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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Michael's LiveJournal:

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Monday, February 7th, 2005
5:33 pm
i can't stress how much understand and know exactly what these lyrics mean
This place is a prison
and these people aren't your friends
Inhaling thrills through twenty dollar bills
and the tumblers are drained and then flooded
again and again.

There's guards at the onramps
Armed to the teeth
And you may case the grounds
from the cascades to Puget Sound
but you are not permitted to leave.

I know there's a big world out there
like the one that I saw on the screen
in my living room late last night
it was almost too bright to see.

and I know that it's not a party
if it happens every night
pretending there's glamour and candelabrum
when you're drinking by candelight.

And what does it take
to get a drink in this place?
what does it take?
how long must I wait?
Friday, February 4th, 2005
1:14 am
i'll be the grapes fermented, bottled and
served with the table set in my finest suit
like a perfect gentleman.
i'll be the fire escape that's bolted to the
ancient brick where you will sit and
contemplate your day.

i'll be the waterwings that save you if you
start drowning in an open tab when your
judgement's on the brink.
i'll be the phonograph that plays your favorite
albums back as your lying there drifting off
to sleep.
i'll be the platform shoes and undo what
heredity's done to you: you won't have to
strain to look into my eyes.
i'll be your winter coat buttoned and zipped
straight to the throat with the collar up so
you won't catch cold.

i want to take you far away from the cynics in this
town and kiss you on the mouth.
we'll cut our bodies free from the tethers of
this scene, start a brand new colony
where everything will change, we'll give
ourselves new names (identities erased.)
the sun will heat the ground under our bare
feet in this brand new colony.
everything will change...
Saturday, January 29th, 2005
3:52 pm
Will someone please call a surgeon
Who can crack my ribs and repair this broken heart
That your're deserting for better company?
I can't accept that it's over...
I will block the door like a goalie tending the net
In the third quarter of a tied-game rivalry

So just say how to make it right
And i swear i'll do my best to comply

Tell me am i right to think that there could be nothing better
Than making you my bride and slowly growing old together

I feel must interject here you're getting carried away feeling sorry for yourself
With these revisions and gaps in history
So let me help you remember.
I've made charts and graphs that should finally make it clear.
I've prepared a lecture on why i have to leave

So please back away and let me go
I can't my darling i love you so...

Tell me am i right to think that there could be nothing better
Than making you my bride and slowly growing old together
Don't you feed me lines about some idealistic future
Your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures

I admit that i have made mistakes and i swear
I'll never wrong you again
You've got a lure i can't deny,
But you've had your chance so say goodbye
Say goodbye
Thursday, January 27th, 2005
6:19 pm
I take a breath
Hold the air until there's nothing left
I'm feeling green
Teenage lovers between the sheets

ba ba-ba-ba ba ba-ba-ba ba ba-ba-ba ba ba ba

Knuckles clenched to white
as the landing gear detracts for flight
My head's a balloon
Inflating with the altitude

ba ba-ba-ba ba ba-ba-ba ba ba-ba-ba ba ba ba (x3)

I watch the patchwork farms
Slowly fade into the ocean's arms
and from here you can't see me stare
The stale taste of recycled air

I watch the patchwork farms
Slowly fade into the ocean's arms
Calm down, release your cares
The stale taste of recycled air

I watch the patchwork farms
Slowly fade into the ocean's arms
and from here you can't see me stare
The stale taste of recycled air

I watch the patchwork farms
Slowly fade into the ocean's arms
Calm down, release your cares
The stale taste of recycled air
Tuesday, January 25th, 2005
6:10 pm
I was waiting for a cross-town train in the london underground
When it struck me that i've been waiting since birth to find
A love that would look and sound like a movie so i changed
My plans and rented a camera and a van and then i called you
"i need you to pretend that we are in love again" and you agreed to

I want so badly to believe that "there is truth, that love is real"
And i want life in every word to the extent that it's absurd
I greased the lens and framed the shot using a friend as my stand-in
The script it called for rain but it was clear that day so we faked it
The marker snapped and i yelled "quiet on the set"
And then called "action!"
And i kissed you in a stye that clark gable would have admired
(i thought it classic)

I want so badly to believe that "there is truth, that love is real"
And i want life in every word to the extent that it's absurd
I know you're wise beyond your years, but do you ever get the fear
That your perfect verse is just a lie you tell yourself to help you get by?
Wednesday, October 13th, 2004
1:02 pm
If nothing else, at least I know that somebody felt that way about me.
Sunday, September 19th, 2004
6:32 pm
alright, so i haven't updated with a real entry in a long time and there is shit that i gotta get off my chest for sure so i'll just write it in here i guess
i guess i've just been really lost and confused about shit lately, like my life was on a track then it got knocked off and then back on, maybe it always wasn't on the best track, but at least it was on a track, but like just a couple weeks ago i could really feel it getting bad and i would say that my life is pretty fucking far off of any type of track, like a read my horoscope one day not to long ago, and it said to just stop stressing about stuff right now because my whole life was recalibrating and that i should just sit back and let it happen, now i don't know if i really believe in horoscopes and shit like that, but it seemed to be accurate, and whatever my life is doing, recalibrating or not, it don't feel to good cause i don't even know what to do with myself anymore, its like really depressing, i can't even describe it, it's like, i'm empty now, like totally empty, feels like all good things are just slipping through my fingers, and bad things are like starting to surround me, like i'm noticing the more bad in people than good, and like everything is so different and changed, yet i don't think anything really did, just maybe in my minds eye, and like a bunch of people just died, that joe kid, then someone hung themselevs and sarah knew the kid that died in the mustang that was hangin over 696, it comes it 3's, then my uncle died this past friday, i just got back from the funeral home, i mean its like ridiculous, and then theres a war going on and people are like fucken dieing like crazy right now in that, it like nuts, its like all the death is just a downer on top of what i already feel, i dunno though, my life is like really fucked up right now, i've been checking out the sky and i think it might fall on me some day soon, it just sucks feeling this empty, i guess the way i'm saying all of this might make is sound like i'm almost not serious about but like its just like so bad that i don't know how to type what it really feels like, i just like try to ignore it when i'm with people though, but i'll tell you what, when i'm not with everyone and its on my mind, its just terrible, theres been like a few times in the past couple days where kyle just looked at me and was like whats wrong man, so i guess people can tell somethings up, i don't even know what to tell people if they ask though, theres just something really wrong, fuck it, i'm tired of typing
Saturday, September 18th, 2004
4:04 pm
"I look at you all see the love there that’s sleeping
While my guitar gently weeps
I look at the floor and I see it needs sweeping
Still my guitar gently weeps
I don’t know why nobody told you how to unfold your love
I don’t know how someone controlled you
They bought and sold you.

I look at the world and I notice it’s turning
While my guitar gently weeps
With every mistake we must surely be learning
Still my guitar gently weeps
I don’t know how you were diverted
You were perverted too
I don’t know how you were inverted
No one alerted you.

I look at you all see the love there that’s sleeping
While my guitar gently weeps
Look at you all...
Still my guitar gently weeps."









I look at the sky and see it slowly falling
While my guitar gently weeps.
Thursday, September 16th, 2004
5:41 am
THE SKY IS FALLING





not just yet though
Monday, August 16th, 2004
4:35 pm
wish i could explain how it

but you'd never understand it

it hurts to much to think about

but it's all that's on my mind

Current Mood: depressed
Tuesday, August 10th, 2004
2:13 am
i just had these 2 songs stuck in my head for a while now and i decided to post the lyrics cause i think they're great


"Is This It"

Can't you see I'm trying?
I don't even like it. I just lied to
Get to your apartment, now I'm staying
Here just for a while
I can't think 'cause I'm just way too tired

Is this it?
Is this it?
Is this... it?

Said they'd give you anything you ever wanted
When they lied, I knew it was just stable children
Trying hard not to realize I was sitting right behind them

Oh dear, can't you see? It's them it's not me
We're not enemies; We just disagree
If I was like them all pissed in this bar
He changes his mind, says I went too far
We all disagree
I think we should disagree, yeah

Is this it
Is this it
Is this it

Can't you see I'm trying?
I don't even like it. I just lied to
Get to your apartment, now I'm staying
Here just for a while
I can't think 'cause I'm just way too tired






"Take It Or Leave It"

Leave me alone
I'm in control
I'm in control
And girls act too much
And boys act too tough
Enough is enough
Were on the minds of other men I know she was

I said just take it or leave it
And take it or leave it
And take it or leave it
And take it or leave it
Oh just take it or leave it
And take it or leave it
Oh take it

I say, he's gonna let you down
He's gonna let you down
He's gonna let you down
And gonna break your back, for a chance
And gonna steal your friends, if he can
He's gonna win someday

I fell off the track
Now I can't go back
I'm not like that
Boys act too much
Girls act too tough
Enough is enough.
Well on the minds of other girls I know he was.

I said just take it or leave it
And take it or leave it
And take it or leave it
And take it or leave it
Oh just take it or leave it
And take it or leave it
Oh take it

I say, he's gonna let you down
He's gonna let you down
He's gonna let you down.
And gonna break your back, for a chance
And gonna steal your friends, if he can
He's gonna win someday
Oh he
Tuesday, August 3rd, 2004
3:27 am
A poem that i just decided to write
Alone
I watch as it all slowly falls apart
Theres that boy again who was so lost many times before
It breaks my heart to see his eyes fill with tears
Tormented by emotions
Juggling depression and stress
Pinned to the ground
I let life get the best of me
Struggling for breath in the pool of darkness
Drowning
Thrown in limbo and wanting to return
Never seise's to amaze me
Yet I'm never stunned by any of it
The stars take my mind away
Let them bring me to a higher cloud
Where I can finally look down
But then it always crash's
Yet never makes a sound
Twisted
Forbidden from a richness
Lossing a grip
As I hold on to nothing
Trying not to get green eyes
So hard when you see everything
And have nothing
A mask to take away some pain
Left behind
Forgotten
It kills me inside to have known it all along
And I can feel it iside
But still it's such a long distance away
Kept in the dark
Where it always grows cold
It will make you grow cold
I'll watch as they all stand off
It can't come back if I never had it to begin with
Unwanted
Tuesday, July 20th, 2004
2:16 am
alright, check this out, i wrote this song the other day like as soon as i woke up, the lyrics just came to me while i was still half asleep so i wrote that shit down as i thought it, and kyle's gotta guitar part for it already, so they are going to use it for one of their songs, i should say our songs, i'm in the band and its bout time i did something than just play harmonica for one cover song, so here are the lyrics that i wrote:

This empty glass
It burns a hole through my hand
And now sick and tired
Of trying
To impress you so much
You’re now below zero to the touch
So now I’ll walk away
Not sober again
But I’ll be back the next day
And I’ll be back the next day

(chorus)
So never feel like you are alone
Because part of me
Will always be
Inside of you
But I’ll remain empty
Because I know we’re through

So I’ll adjust to the pain
Because after all it’s you sending it my way
Could that bitter heart of yours even show remorse?
Your mind more complex than a dog’s dream
And I never knew
That you had a killer inside of you
And you though I would forget
Yet remembering makes me regret
And now all these good times are wasted
And those lips will no longer be tasted

So never feel like you are alone
Because part of me
Will always be
Inside of you
But I’ll remain empty
Because I know we’re through

You’ll think you have something just to good to be
But just wait until I’m lying there
In front of people that really care
And watch as the room will fill up with tears
I’ll bet you’re one of the people that doesn’t show
And one day
It just may
Hit you all at once
And you’ll never feel more by yourself
Even if you’re with everyone you’ve ever known

So never feel like you are alone
Because part of me
Will always be
Inside of you
But I’ll remain empty
Because I know we’re through

And one day
It just may
Hit you all at once
And you’ll never feel more by yourself
Even if you’re with everyone you’ve ever known
Wednesday, October 9th, 2002
10:31 pm
My soul grows colder
From this deep dark depression
My heart grows weaker
From all the times its been shattered
My body grows tired
From trying so hard, and not succeeding
My days grow longer
From the longing of another day to pass
My life grows harder
From the troubles that I’m faced with all the time

Current Mood: depressed
Sunday, September 1st, 2002
10:34 pm
but then i think of lovin......and i just can't get you off of my mind
went to ericas uncles 2day, we went tubein and stuff, it was fun, but the only thing that went through my head all day:MICHELL, i just can't get her off my mind, i've never missed someone so much in my life, i mean i'm not in love with her, but i just miss her so much, more than i've ever missed n e one in my life, otha than relatives who have passed on, but ughhhhhhhhhhh ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh errrrrrrrrrr i'm gunna go nuts, i'm like on the verge of tears, thats how much i miss her, and i don't wanna just talk to her on the phone cuz its a tease to b able to hear her voice but not see her face, and i wouldn't b able to do n e thing now unless the person lived closer, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i can't take this i'm gunna go nuts, i'm so depressed and lonely right now ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Current Mood: lonely
Wednesday, July 24th, 2002
4:13 pm
haha kimberly guilbault
How You Remind Me
Never made it as a wise man
I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealin'
Tired of livin' like a blind man
I'm sick of sight without a sense of feeling
This is how you remind me
This is how you remind me of what I really am

It's not like you to say sorry, I was waiting on a different story
This time I'm mistaken for handing you a heart worth breaking
I've been wrong, I've been down, been to the bottom of every bottle
These five words in my head scream "are we havin' fun yet?"

It's not like you didn't know that
I said I love you and I swear I still do
And it must have been so bad
Cause livin' with me must have damn near killed you

This is how you remind me of what I really am
This is how you remind me of what I really am

It's not like you to say sorry, I was waiting on a different story
This time I'm mistaken for handing you a heart worth breaking
I've been wrong, I've been down, been to the bottom of every bottle
These five words in my head scream "are we havin' fun yet?"

Never made it as a wise man
I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealin'

This is how you remind me
This is how you remind me of what I really am

It's not like you to say sorry, I was waiting on a different story
This time I'm mistaken for handing you a heart worth breaking
I've been wrong, I've been down, been to the bottom of every bottle
These five words in my head scream "are we havin' fun yet?"

kimberly guilbault, its our song

Current Mood: depressed
12:51 am
today
well lets see, i went online to find out wuts goin on 2day, spent a lot of the time bein confused bout wut the hell was goin on, went to the bowlin alley wit charlene kim kelly tammy and then tara came up there wit josie, but kimberly and tammy were the only 2 that bowled, left there, kelly showed us the house she is mayb gunna move into, then we dropped her off, went to kims grandparents house and chilled there for a lil while, ha kim looked all cute sitten there lookin at the magizenes wit her gma sitten next to her, then we came to my house, we were gunna watch the majestic, but we had it on, but not really watchen it, they played wit the magnets, then charlene stopped by wit her delicious cookies (thank ya hun they r good) and umm then me and kim and tammy went to coney, dropped them off now i'm here, depressed, and lonely as usual

Current Mood: depressed
Friday, July 19th, 2002
2:30 am
The Soggy Bottom Boys
(chorus) In constant sorrow through his days

I am a man of constant sorrow
I've seen trouble all my day.
I bid farewell to old Kentucky
The place where I was born and raised.

(chorus) The place where he was born and raised

For six long years I've been in trouble
No pleasures here on earth I found
For in this world I'm bound to ramble
I have no friends to help me now.

(chorus) He has no friends to help him now

It's fare thee well my old lover
I never expect to see you again
For I'm bound to ride that northern railroad
Perhaps I'll die upon this train.

(chorus) Perhaps he'll die upon this train.

You can bury me in some deep valley
For many years where I may lay
Then you may learn to love another
While I am sleeping in my grave.

(chorus) While he is sleeping in his grave.

Maybe your friends think I'm just a stranger
My face you'll never see no more.
But there is one promise that is given
I'll meet you on God's golden shore.

(chorus) He'll meet you on God's golden shore

.................damn i love that song


Current Mood: depressed
Tuesday, July 16th, 2002
6:45 pm
bored
wow i'm i bored off my fucken ass, i got nuthin else to do and no one to talk to so y not write in this thing for a change, lets see ummmmm, yesterday mike oliver called my cell while i was taken erica to cvs, i wasn't expectin him to call so that was cool, we r standin in cvs talkin bout the whole music business ha, he said that they might be playin the Detroit show for the anger management tour at the palace now, so hopefully they will play there and i'll b able to get backstage and stuff, that would b cool, so he said he still had to shower and shit so he'd call me bak when he was done wit that, so he did and he said they were gunna have band practice and shit and he would call me afta they were done to go do sumthin, so he ended up callin me a lil while later and i guess they didn't even practice yet so he told me to meet him ova at josh shepeards so i went to kellys wit paul and oreste for a lil and thats where he called me to tell me that so i went to joshs from there, i got like my own lil private show cuz they practiced a lil while afta i got there, i got to hear so many more songs than jus the ones on the cd, so they got finished practiceing, damn they fucken kik ass, and then we went out to josh's garage and smoked a fat bowl, ha bein stoned makes ya betta at basketball for everyones info, so we hung out for a while then brandon miller ended up comin ova a lil after midnight and he stayed a lil while, but then since we were already stoned he jus decided to go home and sleep lol, and then pat was goin and mike was gunna b goin ova jens and josh was gunna drop kyle off so it was time for me to go, ha i had the munchies so i stopped by meijers and piked up a frozen pizza and a bag of chips, came home and went online, thats bout it, ummmm yea i'm done with this now, even though i got shit else to do

Current Mood: depressed
Thursday, May 9th, 2002
10:51 pm
ha, yeeeeeeeep
it's back! it's back! surprise surprise! heeeeeeeeeeey doc, think we gotta bring the mg's up a notch, yea wow prom graduation end of the year, happy time right? haha michael fucken crawley you should have fucken known betta stupid ass haha
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